Emo post...
This is going to be yet another emo post.
Firstly, the guy whom i was interested in, whom i went out on a date with, suddenly disappeared from the net and even on his mobile. I was upset but i got over that last week. So last night i just wanted to try my luck, so i called him. He picked up the phone and i guess he was shocked to hear from me. He said hes very busy cos he got another job offer from somewhere and also hes been feeling quite down lately so he havent been responding. Well, that happened to me more than once. Guys disappearing. The previous one had problems with his ex. His ex came back to him and he felt mixed feelings. BLA BLA BLA. Im seriously sick of all these. Why must all these happen to me?
And then theres this guy in Sydney whom i spent 5 days with end of last year. We enjoyed each others companies. Everything was just great. Even when i left, we kept in contact. Even when i went back home, i still made long-distance calls to him. I missed him. We just had this connection. Not exactly sexual, but its just everything. The chemistry. He started to get busy with his life, while im enjoying my holiday. When i came back to Australia, we started getting in touch again. But i was kinda in a rejecting mood then, cos i just came back and had to settle down and stuff and i didnt have time for guys. And then he was busy with work again and i was busy with school. and then recently, ive been contacting him again and he told me he met another guy. And he has feelings for him.
And he told me he had feelings for me too. BUT now things are complicated. He has feelings for another person. I asked him if he had a chance, who would he choose? He said if only i lived in Sydney. I told him, what if i planned to move over. He told me he had met this guy now and things are still going on. I dont know, i just felt really upset. I know its not his fault. I cant blame him for liking someone since i didnt take the chance when i could. He kept saying im hot and he will always think im hot. I hate it. I wanted him to look beyond that really. I dont know, i just feel really upset now. i just dont understand why things always dont work out for me. He says he feels bad. Yet i dont want him to give up on that guy too. I dont want him to hurt the other guy.
Right now, i just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on. FTW seriously, FTW.
lol...
I took some photos again today...
I like to take such photos once in awhile, to see what my body looks like...
I hope these arent too offensive =D
A new picture...
I was playing with my camera before shower today...
Heres what i captured...
Whinings...
I was at the gym today and i met the guy whom i fucked with at the gym (refer to previous entries). We chatted abit and he said he needed 15-20 mins to do some abs exercises first. and then later on, i saw him walking down the stairs and he sorta winked at me or something. But i had only worked out for 25 mins or so, so after awhile i went down to look for him in the changing room but he was gone. I cant believe he was GONE in 5 mins. There goes my fuck.
When i was back, i logged into MSN and saw this guys nickname. It was grossly romantic and all about him finding his boi and they being together forever. BUt i remembered yesterday or the day before he was still single. So i asked him is he really attached and when did he find his bf? He said he is still attached and he found his bf on GAY.com and got together after like 1 or 2 days!!?!?!?! I was well... shocked. How come some people can find their bfs so easily while me? After one yr plus im still single, not so fabulous and kinda miserable. Even dates, how come some people can find dates easily while i cant. It really sucks. I dont think i lack looks and im not fat, whatever it is, i just feel shit.
I dont know whether its true but ive had afew experiences of this happening. the guy i went out with last wkend, he never picks up his phone, never checks his phone and dont really bother charging his phone. There was another guy which i used to date, it was the same thing, he could disappear for days just because he cant be fucked with his phone. I cant really get used to it, or maybe i choose to be tied down by technology. Like back home, guys whom u are interested in/interested in you will text/call you to ask hows your day, miss u and stuff like that. Its just kinda sweet. But guys here just dont really do that. Maybe i shouldnt be too dependent on sweet texts and calls because maybe they dont mean much anyway.
I wish that a romantic story could happen to me...
I hope you guys are not annoyed with reading about my whinings. I just cant help it. Blogging makes me feel heaps better.
Paranoia
I met a guy yesterday. I knew him from this website which is kinda silly to spell it out! But i will do if we do work out. Nah its not a gay website at all. But anyways we have been chatting online for quite sometime and decided to meet up. I was quite nervous to be honest. Because our chats online and on the phone had been really quite good and i really want to keep that going in real. So after abit of delays here and there, we met for coffee and some drinks. It was nice just sitting down, chatting away and being able to be so comfortable in each others presence. I was glad. He sent me back and i gave him a hug. Though i very much wanted to make out with him, but i believed that it will spoil the magical moment we share. We told each other that we enjoyed each others company and hoped to see each other again soon.
Just one hour ago, we started chatting online again. He said he went out with his friend, i kept thinking which friend is it? Is it another guy? And then he seemed to talk less too, which made me think is he chatting with another guy? someone new? i cant help but feel so paranoid which i know is totally ridiculous. I really dont want to spoil this special friendship/date which we shared. I MUST stop myself from thinking about paranoid stuff. im trying hard to. I guess i just cant help being insecure again. This is something which is always part of me and in order for things to work, i better try and control! I really hope things will work out between us, i do like him but i must try and take things slow and steady too. Wish me luck.
I want...
I want a guy with a hot body...
A sexyback and hot lickable ass...
And a hot handsome face!
Im willing to give up 20 fucks in exchange for more LOVE in my life!!! =(
