I Love Sausages and Buns

Heartbroken more than anything...

Have u ever had bad things come to your not once, but twice. I had. Remember the 2 guys which i was talking about in my previous post. The 2 guys who disappeared on me. Yes i saw them BOTH at the clubs! I thought it was going to be a normal fun night out with my friends.
and when i saw the 1st guy, i was shocked for awhile. He looked at me and then his eyes turned away, pretending not to know me and acknowledge me. I went up to him and said hi and all. all he said was oh i seldom go out and im coming out to bring a friend from overseas around. and im really busy with work. I didnt even bother to ask him why when everything seems to go right, he disappeared. I wasnt very upset. In fact im glad hes out of my life, because he is a fucker and he just wants to play around i guess.

The night went on fine. I drank lots and felt good. Until, i saw the second guy. I was shocked to see him. Because hours before i went to club, he sent me a text message explaining that he was sorry he didnt talk much because he just needed somemore quiet time, and he needs to get away from people. And he said he wanted to slow things down between us and focus on his work. And he will call me when hes ready to. Fine. So when i saw him i was thinking, oh u need sometime away from people and u come clubbing. I think he was surprised to see me too. But he was drug fucked. He took lots of it. He was so cold to me. So indifferent. My heart just sank. That feeling sucked especially when u had to force yourself to look normal on the outside but on the inside it hurts. We didnt talk much at all in fact i felt like i was invisible to him. He said he took drugs cos its a way of coping. I dont like the way he thinks that drugs can solve his problems. When i looked at him, he wasnt the guy i knew before. I can only see someone whos high on drugs thats all. And then as he walked around, i kinda followed him like a fool.

He went to the toilet and was peeing beside this guy. He looked at that guy up and down. He seemed like he was trying to cruise him. My heart sank even further when i saw that. That guy went to wash his hands. And he followed and kept looking at that guy. That guy gave a delighted smile like "oh im so happy im being cruised" kinda look. I sooo wanted to KILL that guy. Anyway that was the saddest part of the night. Him trying to cruise another guy right in front of my eyes. I dont know whether its the drugs or maybe its just him. But i felt REALLY hurt. I couldnt take it anymore, i told him i needed to go off. And he said, "oh its not that i dont like u, i just need some time away". He didnt even give me a hug or a kiss. and i went off, heartbroken and hurt. I went out of the club, called my housemate and cried.

I just dont understand why this had to happen to me. I had to face both guys in a night and its quite emotionally draining. I dont know whether you guys have been through times when u were heartbroken. I am sure you can understand how i feel now. When i woke up this morning, i could only feel sadness in me. I could only picture images of him with another guy. Picking up another guy maybe. Bringing home another guy maybe. Kissing another guy maybe. I dont really care at all. What hurts most was that he was so cold to me.

I dont know if i will be willing to go out with another guy. I dont know if i should still go out to clubs. All i know is that i do need a break and sometime for myself to heal my wounds. I know it might sound very "drama" but its all real and its happening to me. I think i should just forget about the second guy thoroughly. Even if things go further, would i want someone who uses drugs to cope with problems? No.

So can anyone tell me, what should i do now? Is he worth it? Did he really like me or is he just playing me around and leaving me hanging?

I dont want to be played by guys anymore. It hurts.

posted by Bunsguy @ 3:17 PM