I Love Sausages and Buns

the gay life

Ive been suffering from a breakout because of the sudden change in weather and probably because i have been indulging myself with lotsa different food. I couldnt be bothered much actually but when people around me (who happen to be gay boys) tell me that my complexion is worse than before, not as nice as before im starting to get worried. This air steward himself told me, "the 1st time i saw u, u looked normal, the 2nd time i saw u, you became more buff and u look so tanned and hot, now u are back to normal again and your complexions worse". Now now, this got me really worried.

I admit ive been sleeping late, partying and drinking lots and i cant seem to stop. Whats there to do during the weekends anyway? I dont even have a boyfriend!!! and my friends love to club. Well thats not the main point, thing is, in the gay world once u look alil worse or alil not so defined as before, people will start talking about it. So what if your thoughts have matured or even your intellectual level has increased? People wouldnt care much about those. Gay life = superficial and i think this will always be the case.

I was clubbing the other day and my friend just touched my stomach area and he said, "needs more training". sometimes i wonder, does a 6 pack really mean so much to us? Well, for me i cant be bothered. If a guy likes me i guess he should like whatever packs i have on my body. I havent been working out for a week. Yes im on holidays and im kinda lazy and i wana enjoy life, but, if i dont keep up whos going to look at me? If my face looks bad already, maybe by having a nicer body, people will just give me a pity shag? lol........

Last night i was hanging out with my friends at a bar and trust me, not many people were looking at me. Maybe im used to getting some attention here and there.. but nobody came to speak to me. Well except for this friend whom i just got to know online. We recognised each other. He came up and talked to me and he was really sweet. But i was scared to face him. I wouldnt want him to see my face clearly even in the dark. Well before i went off, i did say bye to him and im sure he might not want to meet me again even though i told him lets catch up soon. I went off feeling horrible. just as i was waiting for a taxi, i saw another couple before me, catching the taxi together and i just pity myself for going home alone, feeling so pathetic.

I went home and indulged in food again. I felt good. And i called my ex boyfriend to complain. He was telling me i should stop craving for attention. And he thinks im having some self-confidence issue and he was telling me only i can help myself this time round. I dont know why these 2 weeks i seem to become so desperate. i just want to know more guys, well not for sex at all surprisingly but i just want to hug and kiss them and get showered with some attention. Sigh maybe thats not going to work afterall.

A gay life is surprisingly quite hard to lead when u lack self confidence. And i believe self confidence comes from within. So no matter how bad i look, with some self confidence im sure i will be able to survive this life. And ive been given one month to prove to my friend i can be HOT again. I need to go to the gym like soon... but i am.......... Lazy!!! all the best to myself.

Have a great HOT weekend guys! =)

posted by Bunsguy @ 4:18 PM